SCAM AWARENESS EDUCATION SERIES

Being ghosted is a frustrating experience. One minute you’re connecting, the next, silence.  Investigating someone who ghosted you requires a delicate balance of curiosity, caution, and self-preservation. It isn’t about harassment, but about gaining closure and, perhaps, learning a valuable lesson for future interactions.

Step 1: The Initial Assessment – Is it Really Ghosting?

Take a moment to confirm if you’ve actually been ghosted.

• Check your communication: Did you send the last message? Was it a clear question or statement that warranted a reply?

• Consider the timeframe: How long has it been? A few hours might be busy, a few days is more concerning, and a week or more often signifies ghosting.

• Look for external factors: Could their phone have broken? Are they known to be unreliable communicators? While unlikely, it’s worth a fleeting thought.

If you’ve determined it’s likely ghosting, proceed with a mindful approach.

Step 2: The Digital Footprint – Surface Level Scouting

Most people leave a digital trail. Your initial investigation should focus on publicly available information.

• Social Media Check (The Obvious First Stop): This is usually where you first connected or communicated.

  • Activity: Are they still posting? Liking things? If they’re active but ignoring your messages, that’s a data point.

  • Privacy Settings: Have they blocked you, or just stopped engaging? If you can still see their profile, note their recent activity.

  • Mutual Connections: Do you have friends in common? This can sometimes offer indirect insights, but tread carefully to avoid involving others unnecessarily.

• Professional Networks: If you know their profession, a quick search on professional networking sites might reveal current employment or changes. This is less about their personal life and more about confirming their general existence and stability.

• Basic Search Engine Inquiry: A simple search of their name, perhaps with a known city or profession, might bring up public records, articles, or other public information. Again, stick to what’s easily accessible and public.

Step 3: Beyond the Obvious – Thoughtful Exploration (with Boundaries)

This stage requires more introspection and careful boundary setting.

• Review Past Conversations: Look for clues. Did they mention future plans that fell through? Any inconsistencies? Any signs of stress or difficulty in their life that might explain a sudden withdrawal (though it doesn’t excuse the lack of communication)?

• Shared Interests/Communities: If you met through a specific hobby, club, or online group, are they still active there? This isn’t about confronting them, but observing if they’ve simply moved on from you or from the community entirely.

• Reflect on Your Interactions: Be honest with yourself. Was there anything in your behavior or communication that might have prompted them to pull away? This isn’t about self-blame, but about self-awareness and learning.

Step 4: The Closure Conundrum – Knowing When to Stop

The goal of this “investigation” is closure, not confrontation.

• Avoid Direct Confrontation (Unless You Have a Clear Purpose): Sending repeated messages, showing up at their workplace, or involving mutual friends in a confrontational way crosses a line into harassment and is counterproductive.

• Focus on Your Feelings, Not Their Actions: Ultimately, their reasons for ghosting are their own. While understanding can be helpful, it’s more important to process your feelings of rejection, confusion, or hurt.

• Accept the Unknown: Sometimes, you won’t get an answer. And that’s okay. The most powerful step is accepting that you may never know why, and choosing to move forward.

The Golden Rule: Self-Respect Above All Else

Your time and emotional energy are valuable. While a brief investigation can provide clarity, becoming obsessed or engaging in intrusive behaviors is detrimental to your well-being. Recognize when you’ve gathered enough information to move on, even if that information is simply the confirmation that the person has chosen to disengage.

Remember, awareness is your strongest defense.   

Contact us if you’d like more information on how cyber intelligence can help you locate scammers.

Please share this guide with friends and colleagues.